Lara Stoll hat die ersten Poetry-Slam-Europameisterschaften gewonnen

Lara Stoll liess gestern am Slam d'Europe in Reims (F), den ersten Europameisterschaften im Poetry Slam, die Landeschampions aus ganz Europa hinter sich und wurde zur 1. Europameisterin gekürt.

Lara Stolls Sieger-Beitrag hier in englischer Sprache, notiert von ARTE (vorgetragen hat Stoll ihn in Reims dem Vernehmen nach auf Deutsch):

Why sometimes I would like to be a John Deere Tractor 7810 Powershift with weights in the front hydraulics

If I was a John Deere Tractor 7810 Powershift with weights in the front hydraulics, I certainly wouldn’t have any more women’s trouble. Because if I was a John Deere Tractor 7810 Powershift with weights in the front hydraulics, I wouldn’t have to worry in the morning what I should wear, because a John Deere Tractor 7810 Powershift with weights in the front hydraulics is green. Always.

If I was a John Deere Tractor 7810 Powershift with weights in the front hydraulics, I would never in my whole life have to buy a hat again, because a John Deere Tractor 7810 Powershift with weights in the front hydraulics already has six cylinders. Since I’m sure everone is quite annoyed by the really long phrase «John Deere Tractor 7810 Powershift with weights in the front hydraulics», I will shorten it at this point to «John Deere Tractor 7810 Powershift».

With my all-wheel powered John Deere 7810 Frame I would never have to do any sports for my body, a John Deere Tractor 7810 Powershift doesn’t need tight Diesel Jeans, he carries Diesel pure in his 344 liter tank.

And as a John Deere Tractor 7810 Powershift, I would no longer have menstrual pains, because the only thing that would still have a cycle then would be the air of my John Deere efficient certified ventilation system.

If I was a John Deere Tractor 7810 Powershift, I would certainly have no more men’s trouble… men… men!!

Yes, for example Mario … Mario, I would simply drive after you with my wet multi-disc clutch in fourth gear until I could roll right over you, yes, Mario, und then I race with 40 kilometers an hour through the streets of Wagenhausen and then I will be the one to yell around how you were so cheap! Mario, who’s laughing now, huh?

And Muhamed, ah yes Muhamed, if I was a John Deere Tractor 7810 Powershift, I’d wait on top of a hill until I saw that all the way at the bottom, you were crossing the street. Then I’d let my 14.9R30 front and my 18.4R42 back tires simply roll and don’t you dare think that just before I’d hydraulically use my wet full brake discs in the rear axle!
Yes Muhamed, who’s a prude now, huh?

And Philipp… Philipp the bad-ass, Philipp-I-can-get-every-girl-laid-and-then-I-won’t-ever-call-again, yeah Philipp. As a John Deere Tractor 7810 Powershift I would wait hidden in a toilet booth until you had to follow nature’s call and you’d stand with your face to the wall, yeah and then it would be my turn to take you with my front hydraulics and my width of 3.012 meters from behind!!

Speaking of asses, I just remembered Rüdiger, ah, it would probably be best if I ran over all the men, except the fat ones … they’re much nicer in general.

In order to not come across as a total man-hater, I would as a John Deere Tractor 7810 Powershift also run over a few women, on account of emancipation.

And while I’m at it, I’ll also run over a few non-identifiable sexes, like Johnny Hallyday, Bill from Tokio Hotel and Angela Merkel.

Oh, and if we’re on politics, as a John Deere Tractor 7810 Powershift I’d flatten Nicolas Sarkozy and on my way back, I’d help reconstruct a Roma camp. That seems to be quite the hip subject of the moment and I’ve just made up the minus points I scored with the teenie girls for my «killed» Bill from Tokio Hotel.

Yeah, sometimes I’d really like to be a John Deere Tractor 7810 Powershift with weights in the front hydraulics, but I guess you can’t have everything, so I’ll just go home  and do what I love to do most: I’ll sit in front of the tv with a giant carton of ice cream, while I dream about being a tractor.

Video «Weshalb ich manchal gerne ein John Deere Traktor 7810 wäre!»:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6NIVWlvqXc

Mehr:

http://www.arte.tv/fr/content/tv/02__Universes/U2__Echapp_C3_A9es__culturelles/04-Dossier/edition-2007.12.01_20Poetry__Slam/20__REIMS/ART_20Patrick_20Salmen/3588066.html

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«Die unglaubliche Reise der total verrückten Lara» (Bild ganz oben):

Die Debut-CD von Lara Stoll ist erschienen

Das Solo-Programm von Lara Stoll ist nicht nur als Live-Aufnahme erschienen, sondern zudem als unterhaltsam produziertes Hörbuch, das die Grenzen zwischen Hörspiel und Bühnenliteratur verwischt. Damit öffnet die Wortakrobatin eine neue Sparte in den Slam-Poetry-Produktionen. Die besten Texte und Lieder von Lara Stoll – jetzt als CD erhältlich.

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Kontakt:

http://www.larastoll.ch/

http://www.myspace.com/larastoll

http://reimsslameurope.slamtribu.com/fr/index.php

http://www.poetryslam.ch